Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye. After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it. Jabu answered, "Our house is very small, Miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' I say, 'no' and then he hits me and gives me a black eye." So the teacher says to him, "When your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer." The following morning, Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black eye again. "My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?" He tells her, "Ma'am, Dad asked me again, 'Jabu are you

You might be a redneck if all of your good clothes have come from cases of beer!

You might be a redneck if at your wedding your tux has a sign on the back that says "sponsored by Bubba's Chicken and Waffles!"

3 married women are sitting around chatting about their married life and eventually the subject of birth control comes up. The 1st woman says, "Well, we use condoms and they seem to work ok; we only have 3 children after 20 years of marriage." The 2nd woman speaks up. "We use the pill and it works really well; we only have 2 children after 20 years of marriage." The 3rd woman finally speaks up and says, "Well, we don't go for any of that fancy stuff; we use the bucket and saucer method and we don't have any children after 15 years of marriage and we have sex just about every day." The 2 other women are shocked that someone could be married for 15 years and not use any conventional birth

A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake, "John 4:18" "For you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband."

When the river runs red Take the dirt road instead!

A man has been down on his luck and has not been with a woman for a very long time and to make matters worse he only has 2 dollars to his name. He goes to a local brothel and asks the owner if he can have a good time there for 2 dollars. "2 dollars, I don't think so, beat it!" says the owner The guy starts to cry and goes on to explain all that has been going on in his life. The owner says "ok buddy, give me the 2 dollars and go to the second floor 3rd door on the right" The man hands over his 2 dollars and goes to the room and when he enters the only thing in the room is a chicken. He ponders it for a bit looks around the room carefully to make sure no one is watching, once he finds o

Man, your mom's like the UCLA; every year she gets beaten up by a lot of Trojans!

You mom's soooo stupid, she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer!

Walking past a veterinary clinic, a woman noticed a small boy and his dog waiting outside. "Are you here to see Dr. Meyer?" she asked. "Yes," the boy said. "I'm having my dog put in neutral."

We invite grandparents to a special day at our school, culminating in a photo op with grandparent and grandchild posing in front of a colorful display from a history class. Only after the last shot was snapped did we notice what appeared above each grandparent's head: a banner screaming, "Discover the Ancient World."

How Men Are Like Dogs * Both take up too much space on the bed * Both have irrational fears about vacuuming * Neither tells you what's bothering him * Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut * Neither understands what you see in cats