How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, blondes usually screw in cars!

What do railroad tracks and blondes have in common? They are both laid all over America!

How do you get a blonde to laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday!

What does a blonde do when she wakes up? She goes home!

A blonde is like a door knob, everyone gets a turn!

Knock Knock! Who's there? Little boy blue. Little Boy Blue who? Micheal Jackson!!!!!

Why are constipated people so mean and rude? ..because they don't give a crap!

What do hookers and bungee jump cords have in common? They're both cheap, fast and if the rubber breaks, your dead!

Yo mama so old that when I told her to act her age, she died!

Bob and Bo are hunting. Bob had a sever case of diarrhea so he decided to stay and rest up. Bo goes out and kills a big deer and guts it. He then thinks it would be funny if he laid the deers guts in Bob's sleeping bag so he does and goes to sleep. Then he wakes up the next morning and see's that Bob and the guts are gone. Then he notices Bob and asks how's he feeling. Bob says, "My diarrhea was so bad I crapped my guts out but with God's grace and these two fingers I got them all back in."

Timmy had been having a hard time in math class and got an 'F' on almost all of his report cards. His mom thought he'd be better off if he went to a private Catholic school. The very first day of school Timmy came home, went straight to his room and began working until he finally just fell asleep on his bed. This continued for a long time until he got his first report card from the new school and his mom was so proud when he got an 'A' in Math. She said, "I knew you'd do better in a private school." Then she says how did you do so well?" and Timmy replies, "When I walked in and saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business."

If it sounds like a duck, has a beak like a duck and feet like a duck, and swims like a duck, you still better make sure that it ain't a platypus!