Teacher: Billy why are you late? Billy: Because the sign said "Children Slow"

Question: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Answer: Elephino (Hell-if-I-know)

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

I seen a commercial on T.V for a pill that helps with ED (erectile deficency). As one of the side effects the announcer said "If you experience an erection for longer than four hours call your doctor." I thought call my doctor?? If I have an erection for more than four hours I am calling Ripley's Believe it or Not!!.

Yo momma is so hairy that I thought she had herself in a headlock!

Knock Knock Who's there? Nunya! Nunya who? Nunya Damn Business!!

Life isn't fair. I went to my boss with a note from my doctor stating that I have multiple personalities. Now I do three different jobs and still only get one paycheck!!.

A man and his parrot go for a walk and find a bunch of people trying to get a man out of a pothole. One man yells, "Throw him a rope," so the parrot repeats, "Throw him a rope, throw him a rope." Next, the man and the parrot go to the deli and order a bologna sandwich. The parrot repeats, "Bologna, bologna." Mext, the man goes to the carnival with his parrot, and play the game where you throw a dart at the balloon. The carni yells, "Hit a color, win a prize," so the parrot repeats, "Hit a color, win a prize, hit a color, win a prize." The next day the man and his parrot go to church and the minister is talking about the devil, and the parrot yells, "Throw him a rope, throw him a rope."

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer, Olive? Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names." What's the most popular wine at Christmas? "I don't like sprouts"!

What did you learn in school today? Not enough, apparently. I have to go back tomorrow!