Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convince

1. Eat nothing but gas-inducing foods the entire trip, not hesitating to 'share the wealth' with everyone on board. Recommended foods are chilli, burritos, McDonalds, any eggs, Kentuky Fried Chicken (stay near the toilet if you want the KFC). 2. Repeat #1, only engage in a 'cuppy war' with the bus driver. (For those that do not know what a 'cuppy' is, it involves making a cup with your hand, farting in it and slipping it directly into the face of some unsuspecting friend.) 3. Every time the bus wobbles from the wind caused by passing transports, jump up and scream "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" 4. Incessantly complain that it is way too cold in the bus, no matter what the temperature is, keep doi

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens. Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover. Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo. Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it. Ask the widow to give you a kiss. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn. Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin. Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the dece

Yo Mamma is so poor, when you asked for milk she said,"left or right?"

Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.

One of the funniest things I've heard in a long time. I was watching T.V. and an advertisement for the show, "Monk" comes on. I don't watch the show, but I love the commercials He says to a Dr: "I'm not even stalking you. At least not at the moment." I laughed for at least ten minutes. Even snorted.

There was a lady that had a 3 year old son and one was coming on the way (she was pregnant). When the 3 year old asked his mother why her stomach was so big, she told him that it was just gas (she didn't want to give him a confusing explanation). The day that the baby was born, the 3 year old came up to the baby and said, "Hey, Fart!"

Man in car, Went to bar. Feeling nifty, Doing fifty. Hit a car, Poor old soul. Doctor's fee, CEMETARY!

You are stuck in a room with absolutely no doors, no windows, and no escape. You are surrounded by 415 inch think metal walls. All you have is a mirror and a table. How do you get out? Well, you look into the mirror. You saw yourself, right? Now, use the saw to chop the table in half. To halves make a whole, so jump through the hole. Then yell at the top of your lungs until your voice is hoarse, then jump on the horse and ride away! =)

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were on the run from a cop after stealing from a shop. They decided to hide in some trees. The cop passes by the trees, and he knocks the tree that the redhead was in. She said "squawk, squawk, squawk". So the cop said "Oh, it's just a bird". Then he knocks the tree that the brunette was in. She made noises like a squirrel, so the cop said "Oh, it's just a squirrel". Then the cop goes and knocks the tree the blonde was in and she said "moo, moo, moo". The cop got alerted and so the 3 of them was on the run again. This time, the decide to hide in some bags. The cop comes by and kicks the bag the redhead was in, and she said "meow, meow, meow". So the cop

...relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest. ...you can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up. ...you say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. ...the Sun is too loud. ...trees begin chasing you. ...you can see individual air molecules vibrating. ...you begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso. ...you wonder if brewing is really a necessary step in the consumption of coffee. ...you can hear mimes. ...you believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly. ...things become "Very Clear." ...you ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your

1. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances. 2. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. 3. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot. 4. If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back. 5. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change. 6. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro. 7. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas. 8. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking. 9. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway. 10. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once." 11. No movie. Don't need one.