Top Jokes
1. Order a cheese burger with no cheese.
2. Ask if they would like to buy some soap.
3. Sing "I think your tractor's sexy"
4. If you're in a drive-through, say, "Man, I think you're ugly."
5. Keep changing your order for over an hour.
6. When you pull up to the window, try to make it look like your window won't go down.
7. Ask how much it would be to be in the restaurant while in the drive through.
8. Have a Chinese accent and order a soda but not a certain kind and say, "No, no Dr. Pepper he no certified doctor."
9. In the drive through say, "I'm holding Ronald McDonald hostage. For his release I want 3 big macs and a sonic toy."
10. If you're at a life insurance place, order a bi
When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a "portable hand-held communications inscriber", says a Republican senator.
William P. Holcomb's job is to supervise the tracking down of Houston, Texas parking ticket violators. It was revealed that he himself had 375 unpaid tickets.
A bunch of men are in a locker room at the gym, just out from the steam room. One man's phone rings, he answers it. The conversation between him and his girlfriend is as follows: "Hey honey!" "hey..." "I love ya!" "When are you gonna be home to feed us?" "Fuck ya'all! I hate you! The kids can starve!" "I've been loyal to you and this is what I get?!" "Go fuck a cow!" "I never wanna see your face again!" "Yours neither!" The man hangs up, laughing. "So, who's phone is this anyway?"
You know you're a video game freak if ...
You hire a babysitter to watch your video games.
When you go swimming you put your nintendo D.S. in the glove box so no one will try to commit a felony and try to steal it.
You cry when your data gets deleted.
When you lose a disc you blame everyone you can so you can be in denial.
You have every system since the pong game.
You know who and when created all of your games.
You are eaisly entertained when you hear that the nintendo stock market raises.
You talk to your friends for two hours discussing which is better: Age of mythology or Age of Empires, only to come to the conclusion that you're eating pizza tonight to discuss it deeper.
When
Now I lay me down to sleep;
If I die before I wake,
Please somebody; step on the BRAKE!
Josh was never the most gifted child, but for this he couldn't really be blamed. His mother, Maria, was no better than him. However, the singular talent that he possessed was an odd one: He could memorize everything he ate. His mother didn't see this as satisfactory, but she decided to put his talent to good use; how you ask? Simply by writing, "Brilliant! Be brilliant!" on his lunch bag!
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north, and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Wi
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols - feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! A special announ
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