What do a walrus & tupperware have in common? They both like a "tight" SEAL!

What is Jewish beer called? He Brew!!

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," says the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," whined Little Johnny. "Maybe," answered the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

Yo mama so fat when jumps up in the air she gets stuck.

What's the difference between a religious woman and a supposedly regular woman in a bathtub? One has HOPE in her soul.

Made up this joke myself.. Please laugh. When I go all the way blind (2/3 the way there now); my Mommie's gonna give me a new kitty and tell me that I can only play with it outside & in the street. The Kittie's name is Pe-Pe-La-Pugh. She tell's me it's black & white. Love that kitty. Rhhhhhhhhh!

This is funny.

Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

What can you break without saying its' name? Silence...Shhh!

Mystery All my life has been a mystery You and I were never ever meant to be Thats why I call my love for you... a mystery. Different country You and I have always lived in different countries And I know that airline tickets don't grow on a tree So what kept us apart is plain for me to see That part at least, is not really much of a mystery. Estuary I live on a houseboat on an estuary Which is handy for my work with the port authority But I'm sure you would have found it Insanit-ery Insanit-ery Headed me I am foolish to ignore the possibilty That if we actually met, you might have a taken a really violent dislike of me But thats not the only problem I can see Dead since 1993 You've been

A man's mother-in-law moves in with him. About two weeks later, he comes home and discovers her lying on the floor of the living room. He calls 911 and they send the ambulance over, and the ambulance rushes the woman to the hospital. The man is pacing the waiting room. A doctor finally comes out to speak with him. The doctor says, "I have good news, and bad news." The man replies, "Well, tell me the good news first." The doctor says, "Your mother-in-law sustained a major heart attack, but she didn't die. In fact she will probably live another 20 to 30 years. She unfortunately lost her ability to speak, and she will make this awful screeching and squawking noise, like a parrot. She has al

Your mamma is soooo ugo... When you look in the mirror you die of fright, as you look just like her.