Knock knock. Who's there? Haf. Haf who. Haf you ever opened the door because I'm tired of waiting.

Yo Momma smells so bad the skunk gave her his stripe.

Knock knock. Who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? I doughnut want to know if you're sick!

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart: "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail."

There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and young George was pretty excited. "Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?" asked George. "George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion." said Sam. "Okay, I can do that." George answered. Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said and George was all excited to go down there, but Sam had a few more instructions. "Now George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end and you can start

The Frenchman, the German, and the Israeli were standing around in the cafe in Tel Aviv, comparing their lifestyles. "When I go to work," said the Frenchman, "I drive my Renault. On weekends I drive my $30,000 Peugeot. And when I travel abroad, I always drive a $50,000 Citroen." "Bah,"said the German, "I drive a Volkswagen to work. But on weekends I drive a $50,000 BMW, and when I go abroad, I always take my customized $60,000 Mercedes." "Very impressive," the Israeli admitted. "As for me, I take the bus to work, and on Sundays I motor around in my little Ford. But when I go abroad, I drive a $250,000 tank.

Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, the man said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and assuage my guilt?" "Certainly not," said the priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I-I tried," the man sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the priest, the man hurried off. When confession was over, the priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his Thanksgiving turkey.

After she was finished with Cinderella, the fairy godmother paid a visit on another poor young girl, Minuetta. Extremely flat-chested, the woman is convinced that her life would improve if only she had large breasts. "All right," the fairy godmother said. "How about we fix it so that every time a man says 'pardon' to you, your breasts grow a bit." Delighted with the arrangement, Minuetta goes to the market next day. Bumping into the woodcutter, she's delighted when he tips his hat, says, "I beg your pardon," and her breasts grow nearly an inch. Later, when a coachmean accidentally splashes mud on her, he stops and says, "Pardon me." Her breasts grow again. Smiling radiantly when she

Knock, knock. Who's there? Esther. Esther who? The Esther Bunny. Knock, knock. Who's there? Stella. Stella who? Stella nother Esther Bunny. Knock, knock. Who's there? Samoa. Samoa who? Samoa Esther Bunnies. Knock, knock. Who's there? Consumption. Consumption who? Consumption be done about all these Esther Bunnies? Knock, knock. Who's there? Esther. Esther who? Esther anyone else as sick of this joke as I am?

How many mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb? Pi. 3 screw exactly a radius's length, and the last about-one-seventh screws it in all the way!

One day St. Peter visited Hell to make certain that the sinners were being adequately punished. During his tour he noticed that Hitler was standing in feces up to his chin. Surprisingly, the Fuhrer was smiling. "I don't understand," sasid St. Peter. "How can you smile when you'll be spending all of eternity in excrement?" Hitler replied, "I'm smiling because I'm standing on Mussolini's shoulders."

Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?? V V V V V V V V V V V V V V He loved it, but it scared the heck out of his dog.