A guy goes to the dentist and says, "How much to get these two teeth pulled?" "$80 a tooth," he replies. "For two minutes work! That's crazy!" said the patient. "Trust me," said the dentist, "You don't want me to do it any slower.

This big-time rancher from Texas met a Missouri farmer on a business trip. The Texas rancher bragged, "I can get in my truck, drive all day, and never cross the boundary of my ranch!" "Yep," replied the little Missouri farmer, "I had a truck like that once, too."

She left him because he had a will of his own. And it wasn't made out to her!

A detective was questioning a burglary suspect. "Where were you between five and six?" he asked. "In kindergarten!" he replied

A young boy called to his mother from the yard, "Mom, would you rather me fall out of a tree and break my arm or just tear a hole in my Sunday slacks?" "Well," she replied, "I guess I'd pray that you just ripped your pants." The kid yells back, "Your prayers have been answered!"

A sucessful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the fast life in the big city and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and purchases a large ranch in the middle of nowhere in Montana. After a couple of months of enjoying the solitude, he hears the drumming of hoofbeats outside his cabin. Grabbing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse. "Hold it, neighbor," the man says, "I'm your neighbor, I have a ranch only six miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting.... We'll have a great time." Not wanting to be unneighborly the n

Knock Knock! Who's There? Radio. Radio Who? Radio not, here I come!

There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like this before. She asks the boy, "What are they doing?" He says: "They're making love." "Well, what's that long thing he's sticking in there?" She asked. "Oh, uh, that's his rope," he answered. "Well, what are those two round things on the other end?" she asked. He says, "Those are his knots." She says, "Oh, ok, I got it." As they continue their stroll, they come to

One chicken says to the other, "For heaven's sake, don't cross the road! We'll never hear the end of it!"

Teacher:Can anyone tell me what a shamrock is? Jimmy:It's a fake diamond,Miss. -------------------------------------------------------------- What's the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table. -------------------------------------------------------------- 'Why are you crying, Amanda?'asked the teacher. 'Cos Jenny's broken my new doll, Miss,' she cried. 'How did she do that?' 'I hit her on the head with it.' -------------------------------------------------------------- The night-school teacher asked one of his pupils when he had last sat an exam.'1945'said the lad. 'Good lord! That's more than 50 years ago.' 'No, Sir! An a hour and a half ago. It's quarter past ni

Yo momma's so fat, when she turns around another year has passed already!

Yo Momma is so fat she needs mapquest to find her butt!