Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? A: Peroxide. Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means death. Dihydrogen monoxide: * is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain. * contributes to the "greenhouse effect." * may cause severe burns. * contribute

What is a pirate's favourite branch of the military? The Arrrmy... no, the Navy, he's a pirate!

Name something a blind person might use - A sword Name a song with moon in the title - Blue Suede Moon Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde Name a dangerous race - The Arabs Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse A kind of ache - Fillet 'O' Fish Something you open other than a door - Your bowels A food that can be brown or white - Potato A jacket potato topping - Jam A famous Scotsman - Jock Another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones Something with a hole in it - Window A non living object with legs - Plant A domestic animal - Le

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

From a contractor: "Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing." "I think I came in a little high on that estimate." From my dentist: "I think you're flossing too much." "I won't ask you any questions until I take the pick out of your mouth." From a restaurant server: "I think it's presumptuous for a waiter to volunteer his name, but since you ask, it's Tim." "I was slow and inattentive. I cannot accept any tip." From a store clerk: "The computerized cash register is down. I'll just add up your purchases with a pencil and paper." "I'll take a break after I finish waiting on these customers." "We're sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We'll pick it up at your

Hawt het hlle ma i redanig?

Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach? To keep his nuts warm!

What did the tie say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll just hang around.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? No! Kangaroo!

Got to Get You Into My Sights I Put a Shell in You You've Shot a Friend Huntin', Shootin', Drinkin' Dude Looked Like a Birdie

Scientists Discover Previously Unknown Holidays by S.J.Zeve at Hacker Times December 16, 1985 Researchers at the Hacker Institute have discovered a previously unknown pair of holidays similar in nature to All Saints Day and Halloween. Researchers claim that these holidays have been missed in the past due to their rather specialized natures and a non-religious orientation. Adding to the confusion is the fact that the holidays seem, in many respects, to be fairly young in age and so not quite settled properly into calendar slots as are such older and more staid holidays as Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Easter, Purim, Hannukah, and so forth. Indeed these two new holidays not only float