Top Jokes
Yo momma's so fat that when she got into an elevator, she exceeded the weight limit.
I wonder how many it took to get her in there in the first place?
"They misunderestimate me." -Nov. 6, 2000
"Rarely is the question asked: Is out children learning?" -Jan. 11, 2000
"I aim to be a competitive nation." -April 21, 2006
Knock-Knock
Who's There?
Well Water
Well Water Who?
Well Water You Waiting For? Open The Door And Let Me IN!!!!!!
Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top.
"What's in that box?" Mrs. Riddle asked.
"A cat," Mrs. Biddle answered.
"What for?"
"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared of mice. The cat is to catch them."
"But the mice you dream about are imaginary," said Mrs. Riddle.
Mrs. Biddle turned to her friend and whispered, "So is the cat."
Hillary Clinton noticed that she was unusually hungry, having stomache pains, and hasn't had her period for 2 months.
She decides to go a doctor to get checked out. The doctor returns with the diagnosis that she is indeed pregnant.
As you can imagine, the first thing she did was call her husband, Bill Clinton. "Honey, I have some news for you. You got me PREGNANT." After a few minutes, Bill's voice comes back on the line.
"Don't panic. I will sort this out, but first I need to know who you are."
*This is not true*
One day a man was walking down the road and saw the priest also walking. Since he knows the priest usually rides a bike he asks where it is.
"Well, I woke up this morning and couldn't find it," he replies.
"Oh. Well, here is an idea. When you go over the Ten Commandments in your sermon this morning, bear down real hard on Thou shall not steal. Then, whoever took it will feel guilty and give it back."
"Great idea!"
Well, that afternoon the man sees the priest riding his bike. "I see they gave it back to you. I knew my idea would work!" he says.
"Well, actually I went through the Ten Commandments like you said, but when I got to Thou shall not commit adultery, I remembered where I left m
A blonde and a brunette jump off of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Who lands first?
\ / \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/
The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.
Yo mama is so hairy...
...you almost died of rugburn at birth!
...she looks like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
...bigfoot is taking her picture!
...she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
Yo mama is so nasty...
...she made speed stick slow down.
...she brings crabs to the beach.
...she made right guard turn left.
...the fishery payed her to leave.
...she has to creep up on bathwater.
...that she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
...I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
Yo mama is so old
Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama's head so large she has to step into her shirts.
Yo mama head is so big it shows up on radar.
Yo mama's house is so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo mama house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter.
Yo mama's glasses so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
Yo mama's house is so small that when she orders a large pizza she has to go outside to eat it.
Yo mama's house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
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