A man asked people for fifty-thousand dollars for his talking dog. He brings him into the bar, but the bartender doesn't believe the dog can talk so the guy asks the dog, "What's the opposite of smooth?" The dog says, "Rough." And then the guy asks the dog, "What's the part of the house that has the chimney sticking out of it?" "Roof." "And who was the great homerun hitter in the twenties and thirties?" "Ruth!" The bartender says, "You big fake, get that dog out of here." So the guy and his dog go outside. Then the dog says, "What was I supposed to say? Mel Ott?"

"Excuse me, Sir." "Is that you again, Moses?" "I'm afraid it is, Sir." "What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?" "How did you guess?" "I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?" "Oh, yes; I forgot." "Tell me what you want, Moses." "But you already know, Sir. Remember?" "Moses!" "Sorry, Sir." "Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out." "Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten 'things' you sent me via e-mail?" "You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?" "That's it. I was wondering if they are important." "What do you mean 'if they are important', Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you." "Well - sorry, Sir, bu

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know, it has never happened.

2 old ladies are at the bus stop waiting for a bus when it starts to rain. Not wanting to lose her cigarette, one of the old ladies took a condom and a pair of scissors out of her purse, snipped off the end of the condom and slid it over her cigarette. The 2nd lady noticed this and thought it was a brilliant idea, so the next day she goes to the pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. The man says, "Sure, what size would you like?" The woman, thinking about her cigarettes, says, "One that will fit a Camel."

Seeing her son is still in bed, Mary goes to wake him up for school. When she wakes him up he says, "But I don't want to go to school mom." Mary quite annoyed at this childlike behaviour says, "Well why not? You have to go." The son replies, "But I don't like it. The kids are mean to me, the teachers hate me, and everyone makes fun of me." Mary calmly replies, "I'm sorry son. But you MUST go to school!." The son says, "But whyyyy?" Mary annoyed at the delay says, "Because you're the damn principal!"

With the daily time taken working on computers, avoiding things like RSI and any strain related illnesses is crucial to maintaining a healthy working environment. The following excercise has been devised by medical experts in the field of RSI research to ensure that if performed, will place the exerciser in a position of minimal risk. Simply follow the on-screen instructions. Scroll down. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands." The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothe

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which

What's the definition of Endless Love? Stevie Wonder playing Ray Charles at Tennis! Endless Love!

The eight Saddam body doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and says, 'I have some good news and some bad news.' They ask for the good news first. Aziz says, 'The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs.' 'And the bad news?' they ask. Aziz replies, 'He's lost an arm'.

A man has just been in a car accident and has severe brain damage. So his sister is called in to take care of his medical decisions. First off, the doctor decides the man needs a new brain since his is so badly damaged. So they need to go find a brain for the transplant. They go down to the basement where all the brains are and there are 3 jars. The doctor points to the first jar and says, "That brain belonged to a woman. It will cost your brother $20 a gram." The doctor then points to the second jar, "That will cost you $40 a gram. It once belonged to one of our female doctors and she was quite a brilliant person." The doctor then points to the third jar and says, "That is a brain that once

A man and a women are making love for the first time. "Cor what a small organ!" the women sniggered "It may be small, darling" replied the man "but it's never played in a Cathedral before!"