Money can't buy everything... but then again, neither can no money.

Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. "They should not put up such misleading notices," said Joe. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

gun(which shoots bees)

Our house, in the middle of my feet, Our house, which smells of cheesy feet, Our house, will always get defeat, Our house, will never eat those feet. That was a song I made up ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!! ha!!!!!!!

Yo momma so fat, she saw a Snickers commercial on TV...it said "Hungry? Why wait?"...so she ate the TV.

"OK," said the psychiatrist, "let's try some tests. I'll draw something, and you say what it reminds you of." He draws a house, and the patient says, "Sex." He draws a square, and the patient says, "Sex." He draws a circle, and the patient says, "Sex." He draws a trangle, and the patient says, "Sex." He draws a diamond, and the patient says, "Sex." "I see; it seems to me," says the trick-cyclist,"you have a fixation with sex." "Me? Who's drawing all these dirty pictures?" ----------------------------------------------------- A man is referred to a psychiatrist because he imagines himself to be a pet dog. "All right, lie on the couch," says the doctor. "Sorry, I'm not allowed on the fur

Legs is the word - spread the word.

Okay sooo.. I kinda stumbled across this "word" when I was actually at the sprint store with my x-boyfriend. He was talking about how he needed to get unlimited text messaging and I looked over with a very concerned look on my face and said, "Yardy Yar!" I believe everyone in the store was hysterical and looked at me as if I was some crazy redneck - it was hilarious. If you don't get it, it is supposed to sound like - "You already are." It's actually pretty dang funny if you say it out loud!! haha

Yo momma so fat she walked in front of the T.V and your dad missed the whole series of "Lost"

Yo momma so fat you can roll over twice and still be on the bitch

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man. "Say, is this really a healthy place?" "It sure is," the man replied. "When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said Bill. "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hackers a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the inbox with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of Java danced in their dreams. My wife on the sofa and me with a snack, We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac). When out in the Web there arose such a clatter, I jumped to the site to see what was the matter. To a new page my Mac flew like a flash, Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash! I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse. When w