1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my pants when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 3. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too." Dang right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people who've lost something say, "It'll probably be in the last place I look." Of course it is! Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? 5. When people say while watching a film, "Did you see that?" No

Where do fish keep their money? In a riverbank!

What do you call a a bunch of fish swimming in the sky?? A High School!!!

Yo momma so fat and stupid that I told her to show me a pushup and she brought me one from the Ice Cream Man.

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the middle ages as the dark ages? Betty: Because they had so many knights.

Q: When is a black dog not a black dog? A: When its a grey hound.

Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears? No, how was that? He had a right ear,a left ear,and a wild frontier.

Where do the monsters go when they lose a hand? To the second-hand shop.

What is the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is a sick bird.

Farmer: This is a dogwood tree. Cityman: How can you tell? Farmer: By its bark

Knock, knock. Who's there? Isabel. Isabel who? Is-a-bel ringing? I thought I heard one.

Yo mama so fat, when she breast-fed you, you drank bacon grease.