you've ever called the towtruck on yourself because you couldn't afford gas.

What 3 words are in the name Amanda? A, man, DUH!!

You might be a redneck if you wore a jumper to your prom.

You might be a redneck if your swimsuit is your bra and underwear.

I went to Google Translater to write something to my friend in German. I typed in English: Hey there! I am bored. What do you want to do? It came out in German: Hey dort! ich werde gebohrt, was Sie tun möchten? If I translate it back into English, it comes out: Hey there! I am bored, which you would like to do? I don't want to do anyone!

My 4 year old brother just had a birthday. At his birthday party he invited all his friends and a clown for the entertainment. The clown didn't have too many options for entertaining 4 year olds, so he figured a nice game of Simon Says would be fun. "Simon says, 'Point to your nose.'" The children all do it and he continues. "Simon says, 'Point to your head.'" Again they all do. "Sit down." All those who sat down are out. "Simon says, 'Point to your lip.'" Trying to end this silly game and go on with his pathetic life, "Point to your eye." "OWWWWW!!!" Yep. They lost.

Umm...why is this category called "blond" when really it's spelled "blonde"??

The 1st blonde says-"I hate you!I never want to see you again." The smarted 2nd twin says-"You idiot!Then don't look in the mirror!" The 1st says-"Why can't I look in the mirror?" The 2nd says-"Because we're twins and we look exactly the same!"

Q: What is orange, red, and lies in the grass? A: A wounded cheesie!

Why was the baby ant afraid of his uncles? Because his uncles were all ants!

One day Socrates is walking down the road and sees his old friend Uripedes carrying a pair of pants. Socrates says "Hi, Uripedes" Uripidees says "I sure did, Usodes?"

1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 2. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 3. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 5. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" 6. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.