Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it. Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming. Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby. Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet. Before sliced bread, people used to say "Th

Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands. On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000 The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame Chuck Norris doesn't use after-shave, he uses hot liquid magma. When Chuck Norris found this web-site while surfing the internet, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly, including this one You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Chuck Norris No matter what your m

Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow. Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about! Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own. Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit. Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius. The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris. The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat. The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard. When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't

Chuck Norris invented the question mark. Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child. Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg. Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady...just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China. The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse

One day a man is up on his soap box telling blonde jokes. A large crowd has gathered around him and are laughing hysterically at every line, most of which he probably took off of this website. A blonde walks up to him and starts yelling at him, "You know, not all blondes are as dumb as you make us out to be." Taken aback by this he says, "Fine. If you can answer three questions, I'll pack it up and never tell another blonde joke." She agrees and he starts the questioning. "Ok, I'll give you an easy one first. What are the colors of the flag of the United States of America?" "That's easy," she replies, "Red, white, and blue." "Not bad, I've had some blondes screw that one up. OK, next ques

If you have more pets than relatives you just might be a redneck.

Q - Why is there a big "E" on top of the standard eye chart at the optometrist's office? A - The reason is if there was a big "O" on the chart women would lie about seeing it.

Q - What do barbed wire and a thong have in common? A - Both protect the property, but neither obstruct the view.

Why do men pick their noses while driving? Because their butts are too hard to reach!

In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation. In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even. At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable. In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free. At home, you get to

Once upon a time, there was a tribe of very hostile Indians who, upon catching a person on their land, would cut the person up and make a canoe out of them. One day, three men were walking through the woods when they wandered upon the canoe-making Indian's land. They were all caught and given one death wish. The man from Italy said, "I would like one last slice of pizza before I die." So he ate his pizza and was cut up and made into a canoe. The man from America said, "I would like one last hamburger before I die." So he ate his hamburger and was cut up and made a canoe. The last man asked for a fork. "What the hell - a fork??!!! Why the hell do you want a fuckin fork???" But they

When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.