A man was stopped at a red light when a fantastic looking blonde pulled up beside him in a really hot Mustang convertible. Trying to start a conversation, the man asked, "Hey,..... how many horses you got under the hood?" The blonde looked at the man bewildered, and replied, "Well,.... there's one on the left side, one on the right side, ....... and oh yeah, there's one on the front of the car. I guess there's only three."

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah,"

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes," the boy's mother answered. "And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked. "Who cares?" the mother replied.

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle.

It was the interval at the Opera when Mrs. Sternberg rose from her seat and called: "Is there a doctor in the house? Is there a doctor in the house?!" A man in a tuxedo pushed his way towards her. "I'm a doctor" he said. "Oh, doctor," she said, "Have I got just the loveliest daughter for you...."

A huge black man entered in a bar with a huge and colorful parrot on his shoulder. The bartender was amazed, so he asked "Where did you get that thing?" Then the parrot said, "Well they're walking all over Africa..."

Little Billy is at home and his mom is in the shower. Billy walks in on her and sees her breasts and says "Mommy what are those?" His mom replies, "Well, Billy, those are my headlights." "Oh" says Billy. Then he looks down between her legs and sees hair there. "Mommy, what is that?" he asks. His mom thinks a bit, then says, "Billy, that is my lawn". "Oh, i see," says Billy, and he goes back downstairs. Later in the day, Billy's dad is in the shower and Billy walks in on him, and sees his penis. "Daddy, what is that long thing?" asks Billy. His dad, having already spoken to his mom, is well prepared and responds, "Well, Billy, that is my snake." Billy says, "Oh, ok dad" and then goes d

Q - Why do women have nipples? A - Because, if they didn't, boobs would be pointless

Everybody who has a dog calls it something like "Rover" or "Spot" or "Bruno" But I thought I'd call my dog "Sex." Now my dog, Sex, has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the city hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too". Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said that I must have been quite a kid. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with us. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the hote

A blond had a crazy idea one day to skip school, so she decided to try her luck. The day went by fine and she had a good day at the mall. A few days later, she gets a note saying she has to go to the office to talk about the day she was gone. She was very paranoid and afraid of what might happen. When she got to the office the counselor asked her to sit down, and said, "You never picked up your pictures that we gave out on the day you were absent." The blond replies, "Oh, is that all you called me down for? I thought you had found out I skipped school that day!"

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Johnny, is there anything wrong"? The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church". The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. Johnny replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".