How do you confuse a stupid person? Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Why do blondes hate making Kool-aid? They can't fit the 8 cups of water in the envelope!

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?

Yo momma is so fat that the last time she saw 90210 is when she stepped on the bathroom scale!

This American is on a business trip to Mexico and has the first day off. He decides he wants to ride a donkey, a traditional Mexican thing. He asks this local man if he can rent a donkey for the day. The man says, "Gringo we call them asses here in Mexico. If you want him to stop though you need to scratch him." The American agrees and pays the Mexican man his money and rides away. The man then decides that he wants something to eat so he rides to a hot dog stand. He asks the man if he can get a hot dog with mustard and relish. The man then replies "Sir, we call them weeners here." The American agrees and hands the man his money. He then sees that his donkey is slowly walking away. So

Why can't Dolly Parton be a teacher? Because every time she turns around she erases the black board.

Q. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills? A. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." he replies. "So how does feeling the roof help you?" asks the puzzled manager. "Well," replies the drunk earnestly, "My car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!".

Q:What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? D

To the tune of "I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover": I'm looking over my dead dog Rover That I ran over with the power mower One leg is missing, another is gone The third leg is scattered all over the lawn No need explainin' the one remainin' Is under the car port door I'm looking over my dead dog Rover That I overlooked before!

"Mommy, I hate my sister's guts!" "Shut up and eat what's put in front of you!"