Make sure you are in a public place with a lot of people around. Sniff the air a couple of times (make sure it is loud sniffs). Turn to you wife and say in a loud voice "Hey honey did you fart?!".

Yo momma is so uncoordinated she couldn't hit water if she fell out of a boat.

Yo mommas is so fat it takes a twinky and a tub of butter to get her through the door.

You know we all have those moments and I'm going to share a few of them with you. At lunch I was going crazy looking for my purse. It was literally right in front of me...on the table. My friend across from me suddenly said "Where's Tina?" She was sitting right next to her. I was having a conversation with my friend on the bus and five seconds later I couldn't remember what it was about. I still can't Maybe it was about bread.... When people lose their cell phones why don't they just call them? Even if they're on vibrate you can still hear them a little bit..... At work I'm constantly trying to give change in dimes instead of just using a quarter....I know not that bad but yea. I had t

Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? A: Sparky!

A blind guy, a deaf guy, and an armless guy were in a cave. All of a sudden, a blind guy said he heard something, the deaf guy said he saw something, and the armless guy said "Let's kick his ass!"

I went to the neurologist yesterday, to find out if I still needed to take my medication, right? Well, he goes off on a random tangent about Hershey Park and I'm like, what the heck, I thought this was about me, not a theme park. And so, somehow, he decides that I need to take two pills instead of one, and again, I'm like what the heck, this guy is nuts! And then after he decides this, he randomly decides to check the reflexes in my elbows and my knees and my ankles. I am laughing uncontrollably and my moms looked at me like I was nuts - I still don't know what my reflexes have to do with my migraines.

Question: How long is a minute? Answer: That depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on!!

What do snakes use for birth control? An Anacondom!

Boy: Is your dad a baker? Girl: No. Why? Boy: Cause you're a cutie pie!!

Yo Momma's just like a bus. They're big, smelly, and you can ride it for a buck.

10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it. 9. Its celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy. 8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car. 7. Its slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics". 6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long. 5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling. 4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?" 3. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!" 2. The only chip inside is a Dorito. 1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.