Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why did the french dog look in the toilet? Wee wee

You Might be a Redneck If you take your family to K-Mart to see a movie.

Today, if you meet someone from France, they will say, "Bonjour, Je suis de la France." This is what they would say if America knew France wasn't going to pay us back for helping them. "Hallo, bin ich von Frankreich."

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree, that had been pressed between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"

Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

Jack was living in Arizona, during a heat wave, when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack, as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money."

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom, on the edge of the bathtub, saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet, and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out, sooner or later, that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?" Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed, saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?" The husband finally plucks up eno

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse, took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I meet one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. All men are idiots....I married their king. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

A computer teacher who doesn't speak good english tells his student "Paul open the window let the Air Force Come." At another time the same teacher and his wife sees one of his students in mall. The next day the teacher says to the student "Tim, yesterday I saw you with my wife at the mall."