Q: What's the difference between a dry cleaner and a lawyer? A: The cleaner pays if he loses your suit. A lawyer can lose your suit and still take you to the cleaners.

After they'd brought their first baby home from the hospital, a young wife suggested to her husband that he try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one." The next time the baby was wet, she asked if he was now ready to learn how to change diapers. He looked puzzled. "Oh," he replied finally. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!"

Tarzan swings through the air Tarzan loses his underwear Tarzan says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Boy swings through the air Boy loses his underwear Boy says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Cheetah swings through the air Cheetah loses his underwear Cheetah says "Me no care, Jane make me another pair." Jane swings through the air Jane loses her underwear Jane says "Me no care, Tarzan like me better bare!"

There once was a farmer who took a young miss Out back of the barn where he gave her a ... Lecture on horses and cattle and eggs And told she had the most wonderful ... Manners that suited a girl of her charms A girl that he wanted to take in his ... Washing and ironing and then if she did They could get married and raise lots of ... Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses Covered all over from head to toe Covered all over with sweet violets The girl told the farmer that he better quit Then she called her father and he took a ... Taxi and got there before very long 'Cause someone was treating his little girl ... Right for a change and so that's why he said If you marry my daughter, you'

"Are you sure you don't want some Novocain?" asked the dentist. "I'm sure," replied the maharishi. "I wish to transcend dental medication."

"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition," the doctor told his patient. "We're going to put you in an isolation unit, where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza." "Will pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" "No," replied the doctor. "They're the only things we can slip under the door."

Two men were sitting by the swimming pool at a nudist colony when they noticed a beautiful young woman walking towards the pool. Her tan lines traced the outline of a tiny bathing suit with elaborately criss-crossed straps across the back. "I'll bet she looks great in that suit," one of the men said wistfully.

An RCMP officer pulled over a vehicle that had performed a rolling stop at a stop sign. When the driver was told this, he replied, "But it says STOP, not STAY!"

A police officer pulled over a vehicle that had just driven through an intersection without slowing for the traffic light, which flashes red continually. (It flashes amber for the cross direction.) The driver, blonde of course, explained, "But I didn't go through on the RED, I went through on the BLACK!"

Seen on a bumper sticker: "I don't care who's on board, what you love, who you brake for or what you'd rather be doing."

"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific." -Jane Wagner

"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." -Dave Barry