Top Jokes
1) Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2) Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3) And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4) It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5) Avoid cliches like the plague.
6) Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7) Be more or less specific.
8) Parenthetical remarks (however relevent) are (usually) unnecessary.
9) Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10) No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad, too.
11) Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
12) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13) Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary, it is highly superfluous.
14) One should never g
A blonde buys a thermos. Two days later, she's back in the shop and wants a refund. The sales person asks her why she's returning it. She replies, "Well, when I bought it, you said it would keep hot things hot and cold things cold, but yesterday I took some coffee and ice-cream to work for after lunch, and all that came out was a luke-warm slush!"
yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited for the manager all night, and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the
How to Make Cookies:
1. Make the batter with everything but the vanilla.
2. Walk to your nearest appliance shop.
3. Buy a telephone and walk home.
4. Call a friend.
5. Have her drive you to the airport.
6. Buy a plane ticket to St. Louis MO, USA (home is where the heart is).
7. Walk to a little shop and buy a little measuring cup.
8. Walk back to the airport (I hope you have good shoes, it might be a long walk).
9. Catch a plane home.
10. Measure the vanilla.
WAIT! You're a TSP. short...
11. Call your friand back, have her drive you to the airport again...
12. Buy vanilla.
How are opera singers and sailors alike?
They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!
Chuck Norris has more Myspace friends than Tom.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of bei
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that yo
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these a
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