You know you're a redneck if you would rather your son have his own hunting show than become a doctor.

You know you're a redneck if a city night on the town includes city jail.

You know you're a redneck if your bathroom towels are also your bathroom curtains.

You may be a redneck if your burglar alarm is a vacuum cleaner plugged into a motion detector.

You might be a redneck if you've ever watched a tornado from a lawn chair.

You know you're a redneck if you paint your garage with a paintball gun.

You might be a redneck if you've ever been fired for shooting spitballs.

Scientists gathered three musicians together and asked them to name the greatest invention of the 20th century. The guitarist said the "wah-wah pedal" was the greatest invention. After that, they asked the drummer and he said the "bass pedal" was the greatest invention. Then finally, when asking the bass player, he said the "Stanley thermos" was the greatest invention. Confused, they asked him how he figured that, and he said: "Hot or cold how does it know, HOW DOES IT KNOW!?!?!?!"

At last. A bumper sticker for both parties. FINALLY, Someone has come out with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker. This hot selling bumper sticker comes from the great state of New York! "RUN HILLARY RUN" Democrats put it on the rear bumper. Republicans put it on the front bumper.

(Answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions.) Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string

Test for Dementia "It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test." Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so.. Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it," The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin. WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR! 1. What do you put in a toaster? Answer: "bread

A teacher of a fifth grade class gave her students an assignment. The assignment was to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and each had a turn to tell their stories. "Peter, do you have a story to share?" she asks one child. "Yes, ma'm; my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a swiss army knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them wi