My brother-in-law was a gay minister, so when his sister wanted a small, casual wedding, she asked him to officiate. He had never performed a marriage ceremony before, so he decided to ask his pastor for advice. "My sister has asked me to marry her," he began, "and I'm not sure what I should do." The minister answered, "Try telling her you just want to be friends."

Once i bought a squirrel and I named it Melinda, and then I gave it food and then it died! Now I have a box named Joice Ann and I gave it some water and it fell down and then it died!

Why does a man wear two pairs of pants when he goes golfing? He might get a hole in one!

Why do people say "This is the first day of the rest of your life"? Isn't that true about everyday unless you die that day?

Boys are like diapers.... Always on my ass and full of shit.

what do you get when you cross a LAWYER and a LIBRARIAN? All the information you want, but you can't understand it!

A lady one day decides to place an ad for a good relationship in bed. she said muct not have hands to beat her, must not have feet to walk on her and must be good in bed. one day, the doorbell rang and she answered it. a man with no legs, or hands is there and says " Are u from the ad" she says yeah. she says then " You have no hands so u cant beat me, you have no feet so you wont walk over me, but tell me this... are u good in bed"? he replies "How do u think i rang the doorbell"?

Once I like bought a fox and I like named him Jorge and like he died and I cried so I bought shoes.

Once I went to visit my cousin in Jersey and I was looking for his house and when I found his house I rang the doorbell and like I said, "Hey cuz" and he answered I'm not your cousin. Then I said, "Yes I am, and then he closes the door on me. So I like call my mom, right? Then I like say, "Mom, my cousin says he's not my cousin." Then my mom says, "You don't have a cousin in Jersey." And I'm like, "Oh cool", and then I got a fox.

A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde with a green stripe in her hair, walked into a barbor shop. The barbor asks where the brunette got the haircolor. She replies "Natural." He asks the red-head the same. She says, "Natural." Then he asks the blonde the same question, and she rubs the back of her hand over her nose, and on the green stripe, and says "Natural."

Blond College Exam HINT: this is an exam 1.Spell yes 2.spell no 3. what is 0-0 ANSWER:0 4. answer yes to this question 5. are you human 6. what did you answer #4 HINT: #=number 7. what number is this 8. is this an exam a):yes b);yes 9. spell your name 10. leave this one blank 11. write an aswser 12. check your email 13. repeat 14.eat. 15. turn in paper REQUIREMENTS:Do #15 all others might be wrong IF YOU MET THE REQUIREMENTS, YOU NOW HAVE A SCHOLARSHIP TO HARVORD FOR (4) BLONDS ANSWERS 1. yes 2. no 3. 0 4. yes 5. yes 6. yes 7. 7 8. circle 9. sexy 10. 11. 9 12 he likes me 13. he doesn't 14. eggs 15. 15. 15.HEY BLONDY GO DIE NOTE: noo

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off". "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"? "Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemies cut my hand clean off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirat