Top Jokes
Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.
Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it..
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they have blond boyfriends.
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up.
Q. What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A. A blow job with handlebars.
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.
Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.
Q. What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A. A wine and cheese party!
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night
Yo Mamma so stupid, she wanted to go on a roller coaster and looked at the height, and she was too tall.
A kid is holding a conversation with a talking dog.
"Why do you poop in people's yards?" asks the little kid.
"We've learned to sit and we've learned to stay," said the dog. "We've learned to lay down, roll over, and play dead. People taught us the 'No' command, the 'Heel' command, and even the 'Shake Paws' command. But nobody ever thought to teach us the 'GET THE F*** OUT OF MY YAAAARD!!!!' command!
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a really pretty monkey.
Why was everyone at the fancy King Crab Night Diner arrested?
They were breaking the claw! So punny!
After receiving, for what must be the hundredth time, the canonical light bulb joke list, I came up with this:
Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They're supposed to keep the President in the dark.
A' : One: to award a billion dollar sole-source contract with Halliburton to replace it.
A'': thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb's burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the President's bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go out on talk shows to accuse the Democrats of being weak on light, and one to deny rumors that it's still dark in there.
A''': sixty: thirty to bribe st
What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush!
One day, two women and a man die. When they go to heaven, St. Peter tells them they could do whatever they want as long as they didn't step on a pink cloud.
One day, one of the three people were seen walking with two ugly men. "I tripped and fell on a pink cloud," she explained, "then **POOF** here he was."
The next day, the other woman was seen walking with an even uglier guy! She said, "I was pushed onto a pink cloud. Then **POOF** here was this gross guy."
A few days later, the two women, and their ugly men, saw the guy that had died walking with a gorgeous woman. They asked him what happened. He said, "Oh, she stepped on a pink cloud."
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