Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer; just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer. I mean, who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Normal people believe that "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers believe that "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw. A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species. In court the hiker explains that he was on the edge of starvation and had no choice. "Considering the circumstances, I find you not guilty," says the judge. "But I have to ask—what did the eagle taste like?" "Well, your honor," the hiker says, "it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl."

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star." Their faith in hu

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about. 1) Can you cry under water? 2) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 3) What disease did cured ham actually have? 4) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 5) Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 6) Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? 7) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? 8) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? 9) I

Why, Oh Why, Oh Why . . . Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles

Signs in our world... Please be safe. Do not stand, sit, climb or lean on zoo fences. If you fall, animals could eat you and that might make them sick. Thank you. OUR AIM IS TO KEEP THIS BATHROOM CLEAN. GENTLEMEN: Your aim will help. Stand closer. It's shorter than you think. LADIES: Please remain seated for the entire performance. CAUTION: This machine has no brain. Use your own. St. Cyril of Alexandria Catholic Church Staying in bed shouting, Oh, God! does not constitute going to church. Diocese of Galveston-Houston. Stiff Nipples Air Conditioning Service. 020 8797 2690 Note to NiteLink Passengers. Ladies, the poles are fitted for your safety. No dancing. Attention Dog Gu

Old photographers never die, they just go out of focus!

You Know You're From Connecticut When... You have hiked up a big hill or small mountain at least once for a keg party. You never went to a bar in high school. You thought that the only highways were 91 and 84. You thought everyone couldn't buy beer after 8 pm You actually thought that Hartford was big You or someone you know has attended UCONN You drive a JETTA You still think that the Whalers are cool. You have been to Misquamicut and to that little hot dog place. There is a farm within miles of your house You thought bars were really for people over 21 Your high school thanksgiving football game was the highlight of your school year. You don't have an accent when

You Know You're From Westchester When... You go to a Dave Matthews Band concert and end up running into people you know from your school. Half the people in your school mysteriously develop inner-Queens accents during 7th and 8th grade. Starbucks is a regular stop for you. You say Abercrombie & Fitch makes you want to puke, yet you sport at least one outfit from the store each week NYU is your top choice for college. If you go to Catholic school, you know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester. If you go to public school you still manage to know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester. Below 1400 is a "so-so" SAT score You claim to hate your school, but

Why didn't the blonde go on the amusement park ride? Because he was too tall.

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? A. More leg-room! Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators? A. They chip their teeth. Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? A. Fertilized. Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering? A. More headroom. Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob? A. Because everyone gets a turn. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball. Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets! Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A. Frosted Flakes. Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A. An airbag. Q. How can you tell