Q:After a runner reached the end of a long, gruelling marathon, officials were amazed to see him continue to run. Why did he do this? A:The man was let out of prison for the day to enter the marathon. He kept on running to avoid prison.

One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

Two friends, Al and Mike, were walking through the woods, when suddenly a snake jumped up and bit Mike on the penis. He was quickly down on the ground writhing in pain, so Al yelled,"Wait here while I run and get help!" So Al runs into town, gets to the doctors office, and tells him what happened. The doctor tells him he cannot leave the office, but told Al he would need to bite open the wound and suck out all of the venom. Al runs back into the woods, and finds Mike still writhing in pain. "What did the doctor say?" asked Mike. And Al told him, "The doctor says you're gonna die!"

I hate thongs! I mean, come on, Women don't need to floss their butts.

War not determine who right, war determine who left.

What is the name of a naked woman lying between two naked men? Sharin Peters

Knock-knock Who's there? Stew Stew who? Stew cold out here, let me in!

IF I LOST A DOLLAR FOR EVERY BRAIN YOU HAVE, I WOULD BE IN DEBT

Which animals eat with their ears? All of them, since no animal takes its ears off to eat!

1 What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A know-it-all bitch. 2 I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them. 3 Did you hear about the blonde who was M.D. (mentallY deficient) 4 Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. 5 What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.

1 What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? Air bubbles! 2 What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? An air mattress. 3 What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved. 4 What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? Third Grade. 5 Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? Because she loved children.

1 Why did God create brunettes? So ugly men wouldn't feel left out 2 Why do brunettes like their dark hair color? It doesn't show the dirt 3 Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? It matches their mustache. 4 What do brunettes miss most about a great party? The invitation. 5 What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette? Gay, married, or a hostage.