Top Jokes
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert because their car broke down. The redhead grabs some water, the brunette grabs some food, and the blonde grabs the car door.
They began walking, when the redhead turns to the brunette and says," Why did you bring the food?"
She replies, " Well in case I get hungry, I can eat it. Why did you bring water?"
The redhead replies, " Well in case I get thirsty, I can drink it."
Then they both turn to the blonde and say, " Why did you bring the car door?"
She replies, " Well in case I get hot, I can roll down the window."
A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind guy yells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?' A deathly silence transcends the bar.
In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a
pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man pauses to
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy was determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The d
A husband & wife are talking.
Husband: "How many times have you cheated on me?"
Wife: "Only twice."
Husband: "Tell me about them."
Wife: "Remember when you were very sick, and we didn't have money to pay for the doctor? Well, I slept with him."
Husband: "That's not so bad; and the other?"
Wife: "Remember when you were running in the elections, and you needed 450 votes?"
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A train goes "chew, chew, chew," and a teacher says, "Spit that gum out!"
How many FBI agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
Shut up! We'll be asking the questions here.
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3. One to change it and the other two to argue whether the lightbulb really exists.
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up."
-Phyllis Diller