A girl walks into a bar and sits down with her friend. She is feeling down, so she talks to her friend. Her friend says "Go get a beer." She says she didn't want one. Then the friend says "Hey, who said it was for you?" copyright fox corp.

Yo mama's so ugly, she looks like your dad.

Ryan's teeth were so yellow that when he walked outside, the sun said give me my butter.

Yo momma was so fat that when she went to do her daily running, her body was moving but she wasn't.

I was watching Beauty and the Geek the other day, and felt like submitting this joke (as it's somewhat similar to something that happened in the show). A blonde is in school, and her teacher is having a random discussion about IQs. Teacher: "So what would you say your IQ is?" she asks a student Kid #1: "I don't know.. I think it's just the regular 100." Teacher: "He, he, alright, you?" she asks another student. Kid #2: "Umm... well... I took a test and it's 118." Teacher: "Ah, you're pretty smart, then." The teacher then realizes that someone is not paying attention. Teacher: "What IQ do you think you have, young lady?" The blonde jolts up a little due to the surprise. Blonde: "My

Yo momma's so old, I slapped her back and her tits fell off.

Your momma's so fat, she uses a matress as a tampon.

Do they put underwear on corpses? Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on? If a vampire were Jewish would his Sabbath start at sunrise? Why do child labor laws not prohibit children from acting in movies? If your eyes are crossed, do your tears fall straight? If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense? Is the vice president's wife called the second lady? Do you wake up or open your eyes first? Can you "zone out" and be "in the zone" at the same time? If French kissing is a big thing in America, how do French people react to normal American kissing? Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings?

Have I ever told you about my uncle Jeffy? Well, as a kid my uncle Jeffy lost all of his hair, and everyone thought he was sick, so he went to a doctor. The doctor told him "Jeffy, you are not sick." He was right because, later in life, Jeffy was in school and walked through a wall! It turned out Jeffy had magical powers! He then got a pet dragon and learned how to fly. We go visit Uncle Jeffy at the Mental Institution every 1st of the month.

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away," the boy said. He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I o

It's 3 a.m. and a couple is sleeping, when suddenly someone knocks on its door. The husband wakes up and goes to see who is disturbing them in the middle of the night. He then sees a young man and when he asks him what he wants, he says furiously, "Please, it's an emergency! I really, really, really need a push!!! Please can you come to help me?" The husband, still angry from his brutal awakening, answers in a very rude way and slams the door on the poor man's face. On his way to his bed he thinks, "Why did I react in such a way? I am a good person and this man could be in a lot of trouble without his car. Maybe I should have helped him...". However, he goes back to sleep. At 4 a.m. anoth

A class is on a field trip to the zoo. They are in the farm animal's section, and all of the sudden the entire class looks to their right and see 2 pigs going at it like it was the last day on Earth. Boy: o.o umm... teacher, what are those pigs doing? Teacher: O.O I don't think those are pigs...