Knock, knock Who's there? Did you ever hear the joke about the broken pencil? Did you ever hear the joke about the broken pencil who? Nevermind, it's pointless.

At a recent PETA meeting, some members were discussing people they had seen wearing fur coats. Joan, a redhead, said, "Yesterday I saw a man wearing a fur coat and I wanted to yell at him about the cruelness of that coat!" Jack, a brown haired man, said, "I saw a woman wearing a fur coat three days ago and I almost launched into a lecture about animal treatment! If only people wouldn't do such things." Jan, a blond, said, "You wouldn't believe what I saw on my way here! A girl, dressed in fur from head to foot! It was unbelievable! I would've talked to her about cruelty to animals, but I was in the car. You wouldn't guess what she looked like." "What?" Joan and Jack said in unison.

Have you seen the lottery tickets from India? If the spot on your ticket matches the spot on your forehead, you win a 7-11 store.

A customer (a middle-aged woman) arrived to have a massage from among the fifteen or so blind masseurs. She came with a side-kick who brought along her things from the office. Approaching the line of masseurs waiting for customers, Lady - in a voice quite loud as to be overheard "They are good masseurs these blind people, huh?" Sidekick - "Yes, ma'am" Lady - "But I heard that the blind who are nearly deaf are the best because they can concentrate more on what they are doing." Just then a masseur interjected - "Excuse me, ma'am your voice sounds familiar - Do I know you?" Lady - "No, I don't think so," then excitedly louder, "It is my first time to come here!" Masseur - "You are correct, ma'

Once upon a time, there lived a man named Clarence who had a pet frog named Felix. Clarence lived a modestly comfortable existence on what he earned working at the Wal-Mart, but he always dreamed of being rich. "Felix!" he exclaimed one day, "We're going to be rich! I'm going to teach you how to fly!" Felix, of course, was terrified at the prospect: "I can't fly, you idiot...... I'm a frog, not a canary!" Clarence, disappointed at the initial reaction, told Felix: "That negative attitude of yours could be a real problem. I'm sending you to class." So Felix went to a three day class and learned about problem solving, time management, and effective communication.... but nothing about flyin

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. 2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test. 3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master 4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage 5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students "without passing through the minds of either". 6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. 8. Tears

Parent: You two should sing in the talent show together. Tim: When pigs fly! cindy: You fly?

Q> What kind of soup do gay Chinese men like? A> Cream of sum yun guy

The only thing truly free of charge is a dead battery.

Yo momma's credit is so bad,,, The bank wants the their calendar back

A cowboy has lived to an extremely old age, and one day his grandson asked him to what he attributes his long life. "Well, you know that every morning, I have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast," says the old timer. His grandson nods. "Before I eat it, I sprinkle a little gunpowder on it, every day," The ancient cowpoke adds. The grandson decides to follow his grandfather's breakfast regimen, and each morning of his life, he has oatmeal with gunpowder sprinkled on it. Sure enough, the grandson lives to the ripe old age of 97, and when he died, he left seven children, twenty one grandchildren, eighteen great-grandchildren, and a fifteen foot hole in the side of the crematorium.

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle? If that ever happens, just pull the plug." His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.