A police officer pulled over a vehicle that had just driven through an intersection without slowing for the traffic light, which flashes red continually. (It flashes amber for the cross direction.) The driver, blonde of course, explained, "But I didn't go through on the RED, I went through on the BLACK!"

Seen on a bumper sticker: "I don't care who's on board, what you love, who you brake for or what you'd rather be doing."

"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific." -Jane Wagner

"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world." -Dave Barry

How do you confuse a stupid person? Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Why do blondes hate making Kool-aid? They can't fit the 8 cups of water in the envelope!

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?

Yo momma is so fat that the last time she saw 90210 is when she stepped on the bathroom scale!

This American is on a business trip to Mexico and has the first day off. He decides he wants to ride a donkey, a traditional Mexican thing. He asks this local man if he can rent a donkey for the day. The man says, "Gringo we call them asses here in Mexico. If you want him to stop though you need to scratch him." The American agrees and pays the Mexican man his money and rides away. The man then decides that he wants something to eat so he rides to a hot dog stand. He asks the man if he can get a hot dog with mustard and relish. The man then replies "Sir, we call them weeners here." The American agrees and hands the man his money. He then sees that his donkey is slowly walking away. So

Why can't Dolly Parton be a teacher? Because every time she turns around she erases the black board.

Q. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills? A. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." he replies. "So how does feeling the roof help you?" asks the puzzled manager. "Well," replies the drunk earnestly, "My car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!".