A very old man and a woman are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The man starts crying quietly. Touched by the mans sensitive side, she goes over to him, hugs him, and asks him whats the matter. The man says, "Remember when we were 15 and your daddy who was a sheriff caught us? And remember he said I either had to marry you for what we did or I spend 50 years in jail?" The woman nods. The man says, "Well today I could have been a free man."

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! 2. Q: How do blonde brain cells die? A: Alone. 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. 4. Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. A2: By doing the splits. 6. Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! 7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together! 8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. 9. Q: Why do blondes

19. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? Shine a torch in her ears. 20. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them. 21. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? There's writing on the white-out. 22. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once. 23. What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen? Far-from-thinking 24. What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9. 25. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? (With a rocking

51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter. 52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block. 53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. 54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." 55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. 56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces herself. A2: Walks home. 57. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold. 58. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing ho

What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel? An Air-Bag

A man walks into a bar and has a drink. Then he hears a tiny voice say, "You are so handsome." He looks to see who said that but finds no one. So he drinks again. Then he hears a tiny voice say, "You are so smart and kind." He looks around again and doesn't find anyone. He asks the bartender whats going on. The bartender says, "O that, that's the peanuts. They're complimentary."

3 men die in a car crash and are sent to the pearly gates. Having all lived good lives, they were all allowed in but they had certain restrictions. God told them that he would ask them a question. They should answer truthfully and depending on how they answer they will receive a home and a vehicle. God asked the first man, "How many times have you cheated on your wife?" The man said, "None. Never once." God says, "Good. For being faithful you get a mansion and a stretch limo with a chaffeur." Then God asks the second man how many times he's cheated. The man says, "Only twice." God says, "That is bad but at least you lived the rest of your life well. Have a 2 story house and a nice SUV." Then

3 guys die in a car wreck and are sent to heaven. At the gates St. Peter asks the three men what they would want their families to say at the funeral. The first man says, "I want them to say I was an excellent husband and a great police officer." The second man says, "I want them to say I was a great husband, a wonderful teacher and that I made a huge difference in their lives." The third man says, "I wish they would say...LOOK! HE'S MOVING!"

Lawyers creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

Q: Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

Jon and Adam are in a mental institution. This place has an annual contest, where they pick two of the best patients and give them two questions. If they get them correct, they are deemed cured and are free to go. Jon is called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understands that he would be free if he answers the questions correctly. The doctor says, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Jon answers, "I'd be half blind, doc." "That's correct. What if I poked out both of your eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor got up, shook his hand and told him he was free. On Jon's way out, while the doctor is filling out the paperwork, Jon mentions the ex

Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack. Everyone in town knew Jack as a very optimistic person. Jack, whenever placed in a terrible situation, would say, "It could have been worse." Everyone in town was tired of hearing Jack say that, so one day they decided to lie to him. They went up to him and said, "Jack, the baker Bob found his wife in bed with another man last night! He shot the man and then himself! Isn't it terrible?" Then Jack said, "Well, yes it's terrible, but it could've been worse!" The townspeople said, "How could that possibly be worse?" Jack replied, "Well, if it had been the night before I would've been dead!"