Your so ugly, when you were born the doctors shoved you back in.

What did one penny say to another penny? Let's get together and make cents

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but it takes a certified electrician to make it work.

You are so small that on your ID picture, your feet showed.

You are a redneck if: You think the following is funny You haven't read the joke "You are a Redneck If... #900".

Yo momma is so fat if they named a hurricane after her it would have to be a category 20.

Yo mommas so stupid she asked how much she had to pay to get a free car-wash.

yo mommas so stupid, she brought a TV remote to the movie theater.

Yo Momma so dirty, she went in for a shower and lost weight!

New Office Slang ============================== 404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, "404 Not Found," which means the document requested couldn't be located. "Don't bother asking John. He's 404." Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant. Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "I dunno, ask Rick. He's our alpha geek." Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers t

Three men are sitting next to a dead guy. The first one can only say, "Yup! Yup! Yup!" The second one can say, "Forks and Knives. Forks and knives." Finally, the third one can say, "Goddie, goodie gumdrops! Goodie, goodie gumdrops!" A cop comes by and asks the first one if he killed the man. Unable to say anything else, he says, "Yup! Yup! Yup!" Then he asks the second man, "What weapons did you use?" The second man says, "Forks and Knives. Forks and knives." Astonished, he is taken back for a second and then tells them all that they will go to jail. The third man tries to plead, "Goddie, goodie gumdrops! Goodie, goodie gumdrops!"

I had been dating this really cool guy for like 2 weeks, and we finally went out. We saw "the RING" and i was totally freaked, and I had ordered a HUGE pop, and drunk it all. Anyway, we were really snuggling tight,like our legs were wrapped around each other, and such. Of course, I had to pee bad, but I didnt want to interupt our snuggling, as it might result in, when I got back, not re-snuggling, so I didnt. At one point, there was this sudden, out of nowhere, loud noise, and it freaked me out, and, as you've probably guessed, I peed. But, it wouldnt stop. It was really bad. I was wearing a skirt and so, afer drenching my undies, it trickled down my legs, and since his legs were wr