A farmer is going down the road with his horse pulling his wagon and his dog lying next to 'em. The farmer says, "It sure is hot out here." The horse turns back and says, "It sure is." The farmer says, "I didn't know horses could talk." The dog said, "Neither did I."

A guy was smoking a cigarette. Another guy comes up to him and asks, "Do you have an extra cigarette?" The first guy looks at the box and reads that it contains 20 cigarettes. He counts all the cigarettes in his box and says,"Nope, don't got any extra cigarettes".

Who is Yo Momma? Yo Momma doesn't know.

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This is laziness!

Two guys decided to go buy two pigs. So after they bought them they wanted to know which one was who's. So they went to the barn but when they got there the two pigs were fighting. After they broke them up one pig was missing a ear. So one guy said, "What are we going to do now?" So after they thought about it for a while they went back to the barn. When they got there the pigs were fighting again. After they broke them up one pig was missing a tail. So the guy said, ''What now?'' After they thought about it for a while they went back to the barn. The pigs were fighting again. After they broke them up one pig was missing a leg. So the guy said, ''What now?'' The other guy said, "FUCK IT!

A man was screaming into his phone saying "Can you hear me now?". Annoyed, a CIA offical said "Yes, we can hear you now!"

To save a tree remove a Bush.

What do you call a woman with one black eye? A fast learner.

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER Wired: THE LAST NEW THING Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR Readers Digest: 'BYE Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS? Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET! America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES. Inc.

A crab and an ant lost their homes. The crab says to the ant, "I'm going to find us a place to sleep tonight." They're walking and the crab sees a naked lady walking towards them. "Hey, ant. You see that lady? We're going to crawl up to her bush and go to sleep there tonight." Once up there, the crab say's to the ant, "You see that door? You go up there and sleep tonight and I'll sleep in her bush." That night when they were asleep the lady had a guy friend come over and they had sex. That morning the ant say to the crab, "How did you sleep, Crab?" The crab says, "Great. How did you sleep, Ant?" "Well," the ant says "in that door you sent me at about two o'clock in the morning,

Yo momma so stupid she ties her shoes with spahgetti so she can eat and run.