A lawyer had just rented a cabin up north and was planning to do some hunting. So he goes up and finds that he has a neighbor. The neighbor is from Czechoslovakia. They decide to go hunting together and become good friends. While they camped out during the night 2 bears, a male and a female, attacked them. The lawyer just managed to get away. He stole a glance back and saw his Czechoslovakian friend get eaten whole by the male bear. The lawyer runs to the police and tells them to come and hurry and bring some tranquilizer guns. They run up into the woods where their camp was and they stumble across the 2 bears sleeping. The police say, "Which bear ate your friend?" The lawyer says, "The m

Q. Why do young blondes carry goldfish in their pockets? A. So they can smell like old blondes.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed, and driving his partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answered, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man. You don't stand a chance in hell of hitting her from here!"

A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died." "Well then, just give me my money back." "I can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK then, just unload the donkey." "What ya gonna do with em." "I'm gonna raffle him off." "Ya can't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece and made a profit of

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas-pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we

One day a man and a woman were driving and they get into a terrible collision with each other. Both cars are wrecked beyond recognition, but they both crawl out of the wreckage unhurt. The woman says, "In a terrible accident...both of us are alive and, well, this must be a sign from God!" The man agrees. The woman says, "Well, we should celebrate our lives...here, let's drink to our celebration." She reaches into her wreckage of her car and pulls out a bottle of champagne which miraculously was not broken or even cracked. The man takes a huge gulp of the wine and passes it to the woman who politely waves it away. The man says, "Don't you want any? It was your idea." The woman says, "No thank

Chucky wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks ... but nothing happened. Chucky decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president. The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Chucky a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. When Chucky received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual,

Why do brunettes like their dark hair color? -It doesn't show the dirt Who makes all the bras for brunettes? -Fisher-Price. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes? -The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable. Why are most brunettes flat-chested? -It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? -It matches their mustache. Why is the color brunette considered evil? -When's the last time ya saw a blonde witch? How can you tell a brunette is lonely? -Check her for a pulse. What is the most frustrated animal in the world? -A brunette rabbit What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover? -"What part of 'yes' do you not unde

A very old man and a woman are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The man starts crying quietly. Touched by the mans sensitive side, she goes over to him, hugs him, and asks him whats the matter. The man says, "Remember when we were 15 and your daddy who was a sheriff caught us? And remember he said I either had to marry you for what we did or I spend 50 years in jail?" The woman nods. The man says, "Well today I could have been a free man."

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! 2. Q: How do blonde brain cells die? A: Alone. 3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. 4. Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one. 5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. A2: By doing the splits. 6. Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver? A: She missed the Earth! 7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together! 8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. 9. Q: Why do blondes

19. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? Shine a torch in her ears. 20. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them. 21. How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? There's writing on the white-out. 22. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once. 23. What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagen? Far-from-thinking 24. What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9. 25. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? (With a rocking

51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter. 52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block. 53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. 54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." 55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. 56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces herself. A2: Walks home. 57. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold. 58. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing ho