Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?" "Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?" "Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"

knock-knock who's there? duck duck who? duck I just threw a frisby at you!!

A man who digs? Doug! A man who doesn't dig? Douglas! A woman with a cat on her head? Kitty!

Yo momma is so old, she was stood up by King Tut, before he became a mummy.

It's a sunny morning in a big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch and screams, "For gosh sakes, how many times do we have to go through this crap? I haven't made the porridge yet!"

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. Say "Wouldn't you like to know?" every time someone asks you a question. 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." 5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. 7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. 8. Push all the flat Lego pieces tightly together. 9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 10.

An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity And a keyboard was on a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age And a CD was a bank account And if you had a corrupted disk It would hurt when you found out! Compress was what you did to garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while! Log on was adding wood to a fire A hard drive was a trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to the commode! Cutting, you did with a pocket knife, Pasting, you did with glue. The Web was where a spider lived And a virus was the flu!

Coca-Cola was originally green. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. 1/4 of LA is taken up of automobiles. The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska. 2 out of 5 people live in China or India. Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61000. The city with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong Kong. The most commonly used password on computer systems is "password". The youngest pope was 11 years old. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. Q. What separates

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day, working or not. If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see a movie, it will cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000), it would take him a whole 12 hours. He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round. If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000

Child 1: Whatcha gonna do? Child 2: I'm gonna watch TV! Child 1: Guess what? I'm the QUEEN of the TV Freaks!

Everyone can be an Echo! 1] Repeat everything a person says & does in an exaggerated way 2] If your victim tries to get you to stop by saying something like, 'I'm a stupid furball,' say ' at least you have the courage to admit it!' 3]This is the most important instruction! DO NOT LET YOUR VICTIM NEAR A BOOK!

Yo mama is so fat that she uses all of Mexico as a tanning bed.