Fish + alien transpotation = Unidentified Frying Object

Q: What goes, "KCAUQ, KCAUQ"? A: A duck flying backwards!

BOB: Have you changed the water in the fish bowl yet? MARGE: No, it hasn't drunk the water I gave it a week ago.

I believe in evolution and if you don't I will let you meet my relatives.... Then you'll believe me

"I love you" is eight letters, but so is "bull shit."

I decided to kill the sexiest person alive, but then I realized suicide is illegal.

I often dream of the day when my car will be able to drive me home after a long hard day of work. That's about the time the driver next to me abruptly blows his horn telling me to wake up and get back into my own lane.

Did you hear the one about the blond Think Tank? Once they got it got started, it drove through three houses and a convienence store before they figured out how to stop it.

East to the Sea, West to the Land, Death to the B***h that touches my Man.

"Mario, I am in so much pain right now I can barely sit. Leave the mushrooms for the adventures and out of the bedroom." "Fine Princess. Yoshi, let's go." "No, no...Yoshi can stay."

Q-If the big breasted women work at Hooters, where does the one legged woman work? A-Ihop

Yo momma so old she got an autographed copy of the bible.