Knock-Knock Who's there? Me Me who? Who the hell is me-who???

What is the most racist animal in the world? A parrot bacause Polly wants a cracker not a nigger.

Q: What do you call 50 black guys in a hole? A: Afro-Turf

FROM A FARM KID AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT. Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc, but kind of weak o

One day a little boy came over to his friends house and said, "Ah shit! I got gunk on my shoe!" As he was saying it, the friend's dad came over to the little boy and said, "How dare you say that in front of my child!" The dad sent the little boy home and called his father, telling him to come over to his house and talk to him. The father came over and said, "So what if my boy said that? it's not like your kids haven't overheard you say a curse word!" "Actually they haven't!" claimed the disgruntled father. As they argue, the disgruntled father's baby in the backround blurts out, "Fuck you!"

You're so ugly, you scare blind children.

You're so ugly when you were born your parents named you "Shit Happens"

You're so ugly instead of taking you to the doctor your mom took you to the vet.

CLERK: Please repeat after me; "I swear by Almighty God," WITNESS: "I swear by Almighty God." CLERK: "That the evidence that I give," WITNESS: That's right. CLERK: Repeat it. WITNESS: "Repeat it." CLERK: No! Repeat what I said. WITNESS: What you said when? CLERK: "That the evidence that I give," WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give," CLERK: "Shall be the truth, and," WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth! CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..." WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know. CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..." WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and." CLERK: Say: "Nothing." WITNESS: Okay. (Witness

Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her sorority sisters she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State. She wanted to taste some real Texas Barbeque, take in a bona fide rodeo and have sex with a real cowboy. Upon her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how she fared. "Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's oh so good. The taste is unbelievable!" And, I went to a real rodeo... Talk about athletes! Those guys wrestle full-grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop then jump off the horses and grab the bulls by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is ju

An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked,so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved, "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it,they took it home. There, she counted the money. It totaled fifty thousand dollars. Andy said, "We've got to give it back." Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? "Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"