You are a redneck if: you've ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.

One day, a little boy came up to a man at the park. The boy asked the man, "Why do you have a big nose?" The man answered, "Because...I have big fingers."

Yo momma is so fat , She uses a pillow for a tampon. ------------------------------------ Yo momma is so stupid , That when her boyfriend said, "Lets do it doggie-style tonight," she sat down and licked her ass. ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so dumb , That she was arrested for taking a dump at a construction site next to a sign that read, "Dump waste here." ------------------------------------- Yo momma is so fat , That when she farted, your dad ran away yelling, "It's a tornado. Hide!"

My goal is to find a soulmate. It's not cheating, just multi-tasking.

Which sweet is very clever? A Smartie

Q: Why did the hand cross the road? A: To get to the second-hand shop!

Knock-knock! Who's there? Toby. Toby who? Toby or not toby that is the question!

Q) What is: Black White Black White Black White? A) A nun rolling down a hill.

I've been following the ongoing Evolution vs Intelligent Design controversy, and as a card-carrying botanist, I'm a very strong supporter of Darwin. But still, there are things in life that rational science simply cannot explain. Like Paris Hilton...

Q. How many acountants does it take to change a lightbulb? A. 1 at a fixed rate of 3.5% income return after purchase for every bulb replaced over a 6 year plan, with projected inflation expected to rise to over $1.25 per bulb in 2006.

Yo momma's arms are so short that she has to tilt her head to scratch her ears.

THIS JOKE IS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY There's this guy Joe who has a parrot that he adores. Well, Joe has to go on a trip and doesn't know what to do about his parrot. Three of his buddies, who live together, offer to take him in. The three guys are Norwegian, Swiss, and African-American. Joe completely trusts these guys so he leaves his parrot with them for the week. When Joe comes back he find his bird all bandaged up. He has a broken wing, a fractured leg, and bruises all over. He asks his parrot, "Well, what happened?" The parrot replies "I kind of got beat up" Joe asks, "Was it the Norwegian?" The parrot says, "No, he was very nice." Joe again asks, "Well, was it the Swiss?