8 dumb headlines! Can you figure out what they are trying to say? 1. Subway Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -New York times 2. Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun 3. Low Wages Said Key To Poverty -Newsday 4. Malls Try To Atract Shoppers- Baltimore Sun 5. Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought -Westport Herald News 6. Teenage Girls Often Have Babies Fathered By Men- Oregonian 7. Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete 8. Free Advice: Bundle Up When Out In The Cold -Lexington Herald-Leader

I'm racist because I have colored TV.

What do you say to Mexican with a high salary? Can I have ketchup on those fries?

Kung Chow called his boss and said: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, leg hurt, I not come work." The boss says: "Kung Chow I really need you today. When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Kung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon. You got nice house."

What did the Chinese people call their retarded son? Sum Ting Wong

Now I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I really need it badly. I haven't had it for a while and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now that I have a lot of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry. I am not going to beat around the bush any longer, so - Do you have a piece of gum?

A Christian, playing an active role in his church's activites, backslided and started leading a wayward life. He was usually drunk most of the time and on one occasion, as he was staggering back home after leaving a beer parlor, he fell into a gutter. He staggered back up, put one leg inside the gutter and kept going like that until his pastor saw him. "What are you doing brother?" the pastor asked while pulling him out of the gutter. The drunk then started shouting, "I am healed, I am healed, praise the Lord." The embarrassed pastor then said, "I only pulled you out of the gutter," The drunk then stuttered, "Lord of Mercy, I thought I had been crippled by God."

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless! P.S. This works for just about any instrument player.

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? WELL HUNG

Q) What do you call an ant from overseas? A) Important

A cannibal went to a brain store one day because he was craving brains. he decided he wanted to try a musician's brains to see if they taste any different. He looked around and saw the prices. Trumpet Brains-$25.00/pound Trombone Brains-$1.00/pound Percussion Brains- 10.00/pound Tuba Brains-$0.50/pound Colorguard Brains-$0.25/pound Clairinet Brains-$1000.00/pound Flute Brains-$0.50/pound So the cannibal turned and saw a man that worked there. He said to the guy: "Why are the clarinet brains so expensive?" The man replied "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CLAIRINET PLAYERS YOU HAVE TO KILL TO GET ONE POUND OF BRAINS?"

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.