If "poly" means "many" and a tic is a bloodsucking creature, than what are politicians?

What do you call a dog without legs? It doesn't matter - he won't come, anyway.

A blond and her friends went to a bank to rob it. The blond's job was to get the code for the vault they wanted to rob. Finally, the blond came back to the vault and began punching in numbers. Each time she typed in a number it beeped a different sound. A friend asked, "Do you know the code?" The blond said, "No, but listen." She made a whole bunch of beeps then said, "It's the funky town music!"

Q.)Why do kids pick their nose? A.)BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO DARN LAZY TO GET A TISSUE AND THEIR FAVORITE SHOW IS ON. EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE SEEN IT 1 HUNDRED TIMES, CAN'T MISS A SECOND TO GET A TISSUE, WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR FINGER FOR FAST AND EASY ANSWER FOR THEIR BOGERY NOSE! Q.) How do you make them stop? A.) Glue a tissue box full of tissues to their head.

Q.) What does a blond think a leprechaun is? A.) An elf. But she only sees it when it's near the holidays and has drunk an Irish drink. Even though her parents keep telling her they aren't real...

Q: Why do people have small dogs? A: So they can carry them in their bags, and when the person farts, they can blame it on the dog.

To all who do NOT believe in evolution, I have proof: MY spaghetti from two weeks ago has started growing arms and legs and I think it just called me, "Mommy". By the way, I, myself, do NOT believe in the theory of evolution.

You're a redneck if: The only thing you swing a bat at is a mailbox.

You are a redneck if: Your mother has ammo on her Christmas list!

You are a redneck if: Directions to your house include ''Turn off the paved road...''

The funniest bumper sticker is: Keep honking I'm reloading!

You are a redneck if: You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.