How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.

Q.) What do you ask a kid wearing a muscle shirt but has no muscles? A.) Did you leave your muscles in your other muscle shirt?

Q.)Your child poops in their pants- what do you do? A.)Drop off the child at day-care and make them change it.

Q) What does a blond say when she comes out of a lesbian bar? A) Wow, those people sure were friendly!

A wife asked her husband well you remarry if I die? Husband:(caught off guard) He said no, I already did.... CRAP!!!

My friend Sam was taking electricity as one of his high school electives, originally being interested in robotics. Unfortunately, he changed his mind, but was still stuck with finishing his despised electricity books. "Do you have any idea of a direction you are going to go now?" asked my mother. He shook his head. "No idea..." That's when my dad jumped in. "Well, even though you won't use it in your career, now you will know what happens electrically when you push the little red button and say 'Welcome to Sheetz, Pump 5 is on.'"

A blond goes up to a brunette that's wearing a puffy wig with two green ribbons on each front side. The blond says "NICE CAT! HOW DID YOU GET IT TO BALANCE ON YOUR HEAD?" The brunette tears up and says "ITS A WIG! MY FRIENDS TOLD ME IT WAS IN FASHION AND I GUESS THEY HATE ME!!!" The brunette runs home and never noticed that she was talking to a blond. So in the end the brunette was a blond too.

Your momma so ugly she didn't even have to dress up for Halloween, and still scared everybody, and made some people say, "Nice costume!"

Yo momma is so stupid, she tried to kill 2 stones with one bird!

Billymac: "Those there are award winnin' cows." BubbaJr.: "What'd they do?" Billymac: "They're outstandin' in their field"

You might be a redneck if..... you went weeks without food or shelter just so you could have front row seats to a Brooks-n'-Dunn concert.