Q.) How does a blonde make a stainless ink pen? A.) She doesn't put ink in it.

Yo mama so stupid, when her softball coach said to keep her eye on the ball, she stared at the softball for 3 days straight!

This is a true story told to me. A big city news anchor is driving along the freeway when his young son asks him, "Daddy, what does motherf____r mean?" He turns to his son, "That's a really bad word, don't ever say that again. Where did you learn that?!?!?" His son answers innocently, "Well, that's what you just said about that car you said cut you off."

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking female flies. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of horse manure and dives down toward her. "Pardon me," he says, turning on his best charm, "...but is this stool taken?"

This is a story about a popular young Rabbi, who on Sabbath eve, announced to his congregation that he would not renew his contract. He explained that he must move on to a larger congregation that would pay him more. There is a hush; no one wanted him to leave. Sol Epstein, who owned several new car dealerships, stood up and proclaimde, "If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighed with appreciation and applauded. Sam Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor, stood and said, "If the Rabbi stays here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guaran

Two blondes are filling up at a gas station. The first one says to the other, "I bet these awful gas prices are going even higher". The second replies, "It won't affect me. I always buy exactly $10 worth".

Pedro was driving down the street, in a panic, because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."

A lady gynecologist, was concerned that she was be being lied to everytime she took her car in to have it worked on. She knew very little about cars, so when she heard the local college was having classes in auto repair, she signed up. She studied very hard and was one of the best students. When the final exam came she took her time and did the best she could. She got the results backand she passed with a 150 percent out of 100 percent. When she got her grade she couldn't figure it out, so she called her professor. The professor told her, "I gave you 50 percent for passing the written test, 50 percent for taking the engine apart and putting back together, and another 50 percent for doing it

A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says, " I have the most amazing news! Your boy can fly!" The doctor sees the doubt in the father's eyes so he offers a demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump. "You son of a bitch!" screams the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait! Something must be wrong! He flew this morning. Let me try again!" He flings the boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor. "Oh my god! I am going to kill you!" shrieks the father as he is running towards the baffeled doctor. "No,

Knock-Knock Who's there? life life who? A life is what you need to get!

What's gross? Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon. What's grosser than that? Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar. What's grosser than that? When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face. You want to know what's grosser than that? When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner. But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.