Two men were riding on a train. One of them had a bottle in his coat pocket, and the other one wanted it. Finally the train went through a dark tunnel and the man was able to take the bottle out and drink up all the "whisky" inside of it. Then he put it back into the other man's pocket. When the train came out of the tunnel, the man who owned the bottle took it out of his pocket, opened it up, and spit into it.

Q. How do you keep a jack ass in suspense? A. I`ll tell you tomorrow.

Here's a lighted dynamite stick, please hold it until I get back.

Help reduce air pollution, stop breathing

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

Keep talking, I always yawn when I'm interested.

Your mouth is so big you could swallow a whole banana... ...sideways

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Someone dropped $50. Who do you think will pick it up? A.) An honest politician B.) A five year old child C.) Santa Claus B.) A 5 year old child, all the others aren't real.

Q. Why did the dog fall out of the tree? A. Because it was dead Q Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because it was stapled to the dog! Q. Why did the tree fall over? A. Because it thought it was a game.

1. Did you hear about the man who had a shower without getting his hair wet? He was bald! 2. Did you hear about the boy who was named after his father? His name was Dad!