How do we know that Christ was Irish? Because he was 33; still lived at home; thought his mother was a virgin, and she thought he was the son of God.

It is obvious. The downfall of the world is here. It is 2005 and we have lived on this earth for ages. I suppose it is about time for the end. Proof? You want proof? I have all the proof you will need: They let Brittney Spears reproduce. Ohh that poor poor child!!

A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving. The woman, who was hard of hearing, decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions. He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion, and if you ever have a baby, it will be a miracle." The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong. She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever hav

The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why she doesn't want to have sex with her husband any more. "For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work. I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I tak

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, men will screw anything.

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 50... 1 to hold the lightbulb, and 49 to drink 'till the room spins!

A male blue whale, can ejaculate 40 gallons of sperm during sex. Only 10% of that will get to the female. The other 36 gallons is left in the sea. No wonder the sea's so salty.

How do you catch an elephant? Dig a hole, put peanuts around it, fill it with ashes and when the elephant goes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash hole.

Your momma is so old, she breast fed Methuselah.

Found in micellaneous things. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. I don't have a short attention span, it's just that I- Etc.:a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely. If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. Without geography, you're nowhere. When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell him to dribble a football. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernail. Baseball is wrong; man with four balls cannot walk. Man who drives like hell, bound to get there. It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it. Crowded elevator smells different

One day, a little Indian boy came up to an old man in the village (In the Indian heritage, the oldest are most wise). The little boy asks, "How do we Indians get their names? Like... Blackhawk, or Redeyes?" The old man says, "Well, actually, when they are born, the first thing we see is what we name them." "Oh! Okay, thanks!" says the little boy. "Any more questions, Two Dogs Fucking?"

If you want to know how to make a blonde's eyes sparkle......Shine a flashlight in her ear.