I did your mom... ...a favor by making you... ...lunch.

Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road? A: To take over the other side.

Sam: "Cas, phone for you!" Cas: "Okay, thanks, Sam." --BEEP OF PHONE BEING TURNED ON-- "Hello? Oh, hi...." --AFTER PHONE CONVERSATION-- Sam: "So, who was it?" Cas: "Heather." Sam: "What did she want?" Cas: "Our phone number."

3 Hints to arguing with blondes: 1.) Use small easy to understand words. 2.) Keep your sentences short and to the point. 3.) Use, what I like to call, "Blonde logic" aka logic that only makes sense to them or on occasion other blondes.

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the ministe

May your troubles be as few and far between as your great-grandmother's teeth.

Q: What's the worst time to be a rat or a mouse? A: When it's raining cats and dogs!

Yo Momma's so fat, when she walks down the street and hums, the kids all run after her, waving money and yelling, "Ice Cream truck! Ice Cream truck!"

Did you know... in Louisiana it is illegal to tie an alligator to a fire hydrant and leave it unattended? Really! It's true!

The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods, hunting together when suddenly a beautiful blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude! "Would I love to eat that?" "Oui, oui!" The Frenchman said, smacking his lips. So the Italian shot her.

The following are questions the answers to I wish I knew: If one hermaphrodite dates another hermaphrodite, are they gay, straight or bisexual? Why does the cat always use the litter box right before I need to brush my teeth? Who is Murphy and what sad life did he lead to have that law named after him? Why do they keep making things smaller and smaller when all that does is make them easier to lose? Why are there so many 24%s in my joke recomender? And why oh why are there so many of these lists?

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.