A gay couple (of guys) and a lesbian couple decide to leave from New York to Miami at the same time. The two couples are neighbors and they plan on driving the same route. so the question is who gets to Miami first? Why the lesbians of course! They go lickety split while the guys are still at home packin'.

A woman goes into Wal- Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the cash register . A Wal - Mart associate is standing there with dark shades on. She says," Excuse me , sir , can you tell me any thing about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everthing about it from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him , but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "The rod and reel is $20." She says," That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to th

One day, 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon. One blonde said, "A tan for 2 please!" The cashier said, "Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "are you two sisters?" They chuckled and replied, "No, we aren't even Catholic."

"Do you know that your dog bit my mother-in-law yesterday?" "Is that so? Well, I suppose you'll sue me for damages?" "Not at all. What'll you take for the dog?"

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir. "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well.

Women as Explained by Engineers Finally- an explanation of Woman that makes sense to a man! Element: Woman Discoverer: Adam Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg, to 225 kg. Physical properties ___________________ Body surface normally covered with a film of powder and paint. Boils at absolutely nothing-freezes for no apparent reason. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin material, to common ore. Chemical properties ____________________ Reacts well to gold, platinum, and all precious stones. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning. The most powerful money-reducing agent known to man. Common Use __________________ Highly ornamental, especially

Yo mama's so fat, her nickname is "Damn." Yo mama's so big, when she stands up the sun goes out. Yo mama's so dirty, the US Government uses her bath water for chemical weapons Yo mama' so hairy, when she goes to the circus the bearded lady protests against non-union workers. Yo mama's so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker.

At the beginning of term, we were supposed to portray what we learned during holidays by acting in a play for the school. Here I was known as the best actress in class so I was given the role of a secondary student who goes out with a rich man's reckless son. During the rehearsals, everything went perfect until the real day on stage. Acting pregnant with clothes stuffed in my dress, I begged the rich man's son not to leave me in such a condition when suddenly my BABY fell out of the TUMMY... I was so embarrassed as the whole school burst out laughing hysterically. But with talent, I knelt down n cried that silence fell upon their heads thinking it was part of the play... I was still vot

A handsome gentleman gets in an accident and finds himself in hospital soon after recovering. Shocked, he asks the nurse how he got there and if he has all his body parts on. "You only lost your arms, sir, but you will be ok," was her reply. Very disappointed that he had lost part of his life, he decides to throw himself over the hospital on the last block but as he is about to do that, he notices someone on the street in the same situation, but he was dancing vigorously. He decides to find out how he keeps happy in such a situation. "Buddy, tell me what is your secret to happiness," he said. "You've got no idea what it takes to scatch myself. My chest is itchy."

Jason showed his buddy the beautiful diamond ring he had bought his girlfriend for her birthday. "I thought she wanted a four-wheel-drive vehicle," ventured his friend. "She did," Jason said. "But where am I going to find a fake Jeep?"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I copied your test and I flunked too!