BE SURE THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM. One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a showoff refusing to

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her, and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Bea," he said, "I

Why did the squirrel go to the acorn shop? He broke his nuts on something!

laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and some-one will hear you, but fart and you're on your own!!

The squirrel's eyes widened as he tried to move but froze when he realized........ He'd buried the wrong nuts!

One day, in the mental institute, a doctor visited one of his new patients. "How are you today?" he asked, when he saw his patient. "Oh. I'm fine thank you very much. How about you?" replied the patient. "Oh, I'm fine," answered the doctor, while thinking if he should let this patient go seeing as how he was polite and all. "So, did you sleep alright last night?" "Oh, heavens no. The mosquitoes were such a bother, I got so angry that I put up a mosquito net around the bed but I climbed under the bed. HA! They can bite whatever they want inside the net, but I'll be safe and sound under the bed," answered the patient with an air of dignity. "Never mind."

There was this guy in the mental institute who was taking his medicine that the nurse gave him. The same nurse was walking past his room and saw him shaking very vigorously. Intrigued, the nurse asked,"Dear patient, why are you shaking? Are you cold?" Still shaking, the patient replied, "No, my dear nurse, the bottle of medicine you gave me said 'shake before drinking' but I forgot to shake!" "Oh dear."

What's gray, has four legs, and a trunk? A mouse on vacation.

1. Think of a number. 2. Multiply it by 3. 3. Now add 5. 4. Take away the number you first thought of. 5. Now add 7. 6. Subtract 2. 7. Add back the number you first thought of. 8. Now, close your eyes. > > > > > > > > Dark, isn't it? :-)

I'm trying computer dating, at least I'm not getting dumped... but I do get deleted.

A bloke and his wife went to a family planning clinic. "We've been married for ten years and we've got no kids", said the husband. "And the next-door neighbors say it's because we're stupid." "Nonsense," smiled the doctor. "It's probably to do with your diet. Or it might be a question of timing. How many times a week do you do it?" "Do what?" asked the wife.

if stealing kids is kidnapping,is stealing adults oldnapping?