Top Jokes
Yo Momma's So Fat...
When she crosses the border, they think she's tryin to smuggle the whole country.
When she was at the zoo the elephants were scared she might step on them.
She's what caused Mexico City to sink into the ground.
She sunk Atlantis.
She once found a whale hidden in her belly button.
When a plane has to make an emergancy landing they use her as a runway.
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Banana !
Banana who ?
Banana split, so ice creamed !
1) The couch is not mine.
2) No matter how much larger the human is, the cat still deserves half of the bed.
3) Tell those you love how much you love them but only after they feed you.
4) Its okay to be a tad overweight as long as you are still able to reach your goals(for example the windowsill).
5) Catnip actualy has a rather nice scent.
6) The printer is a valid seat.
7) All scurmishes with others can be solved by looking innocent.
8) Its okay to lose some hair,
and of course,
9) Its always nice to be with those you love,even if they do smell like dog!
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead all get together once a week to talk about the problems they are having with their daughters, and get input from the other two moms. So, the brunette decided to open the meeting.
"I found a pack of cigarettes on my daughter's nightstand the other night. What am I going to do?"
The moms told her to talk to her daughter and tell her it was wrong, and to never do it again.
The redhead said that she had recently found a 12 pack of beer in her daughter's closet. The moms told her to talk to her daughter, tell her it was wrong, and never to do it again.
When it was the blonde mom's turn she said:
"I found a box of condoms on my daughter'
I know this isn't really a joke but I thought it was so funny that I wanted to share it with everyone...
1. In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/g
Think of the beat of the song walking in a winter wonderland while you are reading this...
Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear
A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks
her over.
He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That is what their students are for.
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.
One says to the other, "Geez, I'd really like to dance with that girl."
The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken s***."
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me, would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry, right now I'm contemplating on matrimony, and I'd rather sit than dance."
So the man humbly returns to his friend.
"So what did she say?" asks the friend.
The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni,
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