There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all the states and capitals. That night when he got home he told his joke. She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me." He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?" She quickly replied, "M."

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10, 000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10, 000 with a note that said,

A blonde was swerving all over the road, driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener."

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?" The driver is understandably hesitant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that." But the Pope persists, "Please?" The driver finally lets up, "Oh, alright, I can't really say no to the Pope." So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the Pope to wind the window down. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goe

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony. "Help, help!" yelled one of the blondes. "Help us, help us!" yelled the other. "Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde. "Good idea," said the other. "Together, together!" they yelled.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!

There's a blonde and a brunette working for a painting company. They need to paint the yellow lines on a road by hand for the city since the trucks are broken. The first day the blonde paints 5.4 miles of road, the brunette paints 6 miles of road. The second day the blonde paints 4.1 miles of road, the brunette paints 6.7 miles of road. The third day the blonde paints 2.9 miles of road, the brunette paints 6.9 miles of road. Worried about the blonde, the supervisor goes to the blonde and asks why she is painting less and less road each day. She replies, "The bucket just keeps getting further and further away."

A blonde wanted to sell her car but failed many times. Even though the car looked pratically new it had over 400 000 miles on it. So she goes to a bar and theres a brunette sitting a few barstools away and she's wearing mechanic's overalls. They start talking and the blonde tells the brunette her problems. The brunette feels sorry for her. The brunette says, "Well I'm a mechanic. I can help you sell your car but it's not legal." The blonde says she'll do whatever it takes. The brunette says, "Well I can change your odometer back to 40 000 miles and it'll be easier to sell." The blonde agrees and gives the brunette her keys. So the brunette takes the car back to her garage and sets back the c

On her birthday, a blonde was given a fishing rod. She decides to use the gift on the weekend and have a good time, so she goes and buys fishing gear and sets out. She goes to what she thinks is a nice fishing spot and drills a hole, then puts her rod in. She hears a man say, "There is no fish in there." So she goes someplace else and drills and puts her rod in. Then hears a man say in an irritated tone, "There is no fish in there." So she repeats the process a third time and again hears the man tell her, "There is no fish in there." Angry, the blonde gets up and faces the man and says, "How do you know there is no fish in there?" The man replies, "This is an ice hockey rink."

People say you are the perfect idiot. I say you are not perfect, but you are doing pretty good.

A pirate walks into a bar and has a seat. The bartender notices the pirates peg-leg, eyepatch and hook for a hand. The bartender and the pirate start talking and the bartender casually slips in the question of how the pirate lost his leg. The pirate says, "I fell overboard and a shark bit my leg off." They talk more and the bartender asks how the pirate got the hook. The pirate says, "We were boarded by enemy pirates and they cut off my hand before running away. They talk some more and the bartender finally asks how the pirate got his eyepatch. The pirate said, "A seagull crapped in my eye." The bartender says, "Wow! You lost your eye to seagull poo in your eye?" The pirate says, "Well no...