Top Jokes
1. You've named that purple elephant that follows you everywhere.
2. Vision Imparment goggles don't change anything.
3. You earn $30 by counting your money again.
4. You use your beer belly as a coffee table.
5. You fly home every night.
6. Your wife keeps telling you not to light the house on fire but you don't listen. What does she know anyway?
7. Your house is fire proofed but you still manage to burn it to the ground.
8. You have a second, third anniversary.
9. The dog is drunk to.
10. No one you see can stop moving.
11. You offer the police officer that pulls you over a cold one.
12. The officer asks you about the vehicle you're pulling, you reply with "whats wrong with towing a boat?"
1. You wear a D... & A-C is tissue paper.
2. Your friends are guys, your partners are girls.
3. Anorexia is a four-letter word.
4. Pink is your favorite color... & hot pink is second.
5. Monika Lewinski is your role model.
6. You think foreign affairs is screwing two French guys.
7. M.U.D.D. means must use drugs daily.
8. ADIDAS means All Day I Dream About Sex.
9. ADIDAS applies to you.
10. It takes half of a lite beer to get you totally wasted.
These are all from my experiences. That's why they're funny.
1. You build a miniature boat out of a hostess box, water bottles, and duct tape, and float it down a river seven times.
2. You buy a headlamp, move it in circles on the wall, and say it follows wherever my head goes.
3. You make a hand with some sticks, a plastic soda bottle lid, some bugs, and a magnifying glass.
4. You pop each and every bubble on bubble wrap... in random order.
5. You line up thirteen megaphones just to see what it would do.
Goldie, a middle aged Jewish woman goes to see a fortune-teller.
"Two men are madly in love with me!" Goldie says. "Who will be the lucky one?"
The swami answers...."Morris will marry you, and Irving will be the lucky one."
There was once a beautiful woman named Rebecca who lived with 3 men: an author, an artist, and a blind man.They each visited her once a day. One day Rebecca was taking a shower when she heard a knock at the door, so she put on a towel and answered the door.
It turned out to be the artist. He said, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I have just finished a masterpiece." Rebecca congratulated him, then closed the door.
Right when Rebecca was getting back in the shower, she heard another knock so she put her towel back on and it was the author. He said, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I have just finished a new best-seller." Rebecca congratulated him, then closed the door.
Rebecca got ba
1. You yell and scream for help, and when it comes you ask for the remote.
2. It is a workout to play high intensity video games.
3. You decide to be a republican because you bought a truck with a republican sticker on it.
4. You sell your step-brother's stuff on e-bay for video game money.
5. You've hired someone to laugh at these jokes for you.
6. You shop online even though it's more expensive because you don't want to leave your house.
7. You died of a preventable illness because going to the doctor would take actual work.
8. You've hired someone to sleep with your wife because it's to "hard".
9. You have the sofa in the back of the Guiness 2000 book.
10. You, your wife, and kids all liv
(Linux is a server far superior to windows. It's logo is Tux the digital penguin.)
1. Your favorite movie was Kill Bill.
2. Your favorite animal is a penguin.
3. You think micro and soft describe Bill Gates.
4. You would like to "server" Gates head.
5. Your desktop picture is of tux burning the windows flag.
6. Your motto is "W1ND0W$ 1$ 7H3 root 0F @LL 3V1L"
7. You can read the above statment.
8. You think XBOX was Microsoft's first success.
9. You would rather have a computer from Hasbro than Microsoft.
10. Your computer can play solitaire.
For you Windows users #6 means "Windows is the root of all evil".
Your momma so white and ugly Michael Jackson took one glance and thought he was looking into a mirror!
Q: Why are cats similar to sentences?
A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has pause at the end of its clause.
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn't they be more specific and say "employees of THIS place only"?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway, aren't they?
Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible?
If you could walk through the walls, wouldn't you fall through the floor?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
Do bir
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